Women Who Persist

rihanna_dior I somehow don’t like the word “feminist”. For me, it’s a synonym of left activism often used to push an agenda that is not necessarily focused on women’s rights. However, I do believe that women and men are equal, and therefore must have equal rights and opportunities. In most places of the world, we women do have equal rights on paper; however, the reality is very, very different.

That’s why we should speak up, fight, support each other, educate our children and do whatever is possible to resist discrimination.   We, women, are facing so many issues nowadays – from domestic violence in the family to sexual harassment and gender discrimination at work, from the fight for equal opportunities to the struggle with exploitation, sexism or prejudices. Here are just a few examples. The TV star Bill O’Reilly was fired from Fox News after a publication in The New York Times insisting that the TV channel has paid 13 million dollars to compensate women harassed sexually by the famous TV presenter. 1 in 4 women in the USA have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime, according to the statistics of the National Coalition against Domestic Violence. If somebody looks at the comments in the social media about the new First Lady of France Brigitte Trogneux, most of them are eloquent proof of ageism.

Even when rights exist on paper, some of them are restricted in real life. Here is another example. Men and women must have equal access to the healthcare system in the USA. However, there is still dispute about women’s reproductive rights, and President Donald Trump decided to stop the Federal funding for Planned Parenthood. In the newly proposed Healthcare Bill, victims of rape are considered patients with pre-existing conditions. For me, these two issues, abortion rights and treatment of rape victims, are examples of health discrimination based on gender.

Not to mention that there are different groups within the women minority. Women of color face different issues than white women, homosexual women face different issues than heterosexual, women in less developed countries face a different reality than the women in the Western world.

van johns I do not have a recipe for what the right approach to solving these issues is – legislation, education, or economic policy. It might be a combination of all of them. Legislation should set the legal frame for gender equality and severe penalties for institutions or individuals who discriminate and harass women. Giving women equal rights is only half of the job. Legislation has to guarantee that the laws are respected and that violations will be punished. In the case of Bill O’Reilly, the legislation should hold Fox News responsible for covering sexual harassment for decades and punish the organization with the same amount of money it already agreed to give to cover the issue.

Economic policy also has its role in protecting women’s rights. One step in the right direction is to give Federal financing for Planned Parenthood and to provide hospitals and clinics for all girls and women, not only to the wealthy. I come from Europe where annual Pap tests and Mammography exams are free for all women. There is no reason why the USA should be an exception. Women in a disadvantaged situation could be protected economically in different ways. Many countries give a tax reduction to single mothers, others give women the right to work flexible hours.

However, education is the most important approach to improve women’s rights in the future. Education starts at home where the little girl or boy witnesses how the father treats the mother, the grandmother and other girls and women in the broad family. It continues through life, and to be a good example, and set a pattern of manners is important. School, with the books we read and history we learn, is a crucial part of the story. Do an experiment. Ask your friends which was the first country to allow the right of women to vote and when it happened. Ask them when the US allowed women to vote. The most curious probably will guess the answer of the second question, but the first one would be quite difficult. (New Zealand) As Hillary Clinton once said, women’s rights are human rights, and therefore part of our history.

Because of our special place in life and society, the expectations toward women are very high. A woman has to be smart with a successful career, she is expected to have a good marriage and raise children, she must be beautiful and with a style, and of course, to smile. OK, it is not easy to satisfy these expectations, and most important it is not necessary. No person can be liked by everyone. Many people criticize the way the German Chancellor Angela Merkel is dressed in boring suits. I don’t like her style either. However, there are people who criticized Brigitte Trogneux for wearing a short skirt at her husband’s inauguration and suggested that she should follow the style of Merkel. Even world leaders cannot satisfy everyone. What does that say about common people like us…

There is a more serious point here. Human rights protection in the US has improved significantly in the past few decades. However, there are still cases of discrimination such as police brutality towards black men, gender gap in the workplace, or restrictions on LGBTQ rights. I deeply believe that we, as a society, must speak, be aware, discuss, resist, protest, act together, show solidarity to different groups, take perpetrators accountable, and be sure that nobody is forgotten and nothing is forgotten. This is the only way to efficiently address and react to these recidives that are part of our human past but have no place in our future.

Personally, I used to work for 17 years in a TV channel that belonged to Rupert Murdock’s News Corporation, and witnessed first hand Fox’s style of unhealthy culture towards female journalists. You are supposed to look a certain way, you are supposed to behave in a certain way, and if you sleep with “Somebody”, it is even better. This is how you get the most prestigious assignments or have your own show. Although I have never been sexually harassed, on a couple of occasions I was clearly told, “You are really good at your job but it is not much fun being with you.” He had a specific type of fun in his mind.

Throughout my life, I have been influenced by many women. Number one of them is Ayn Rand. Her philosophy named Objectivism Movement has greatly shaped the way I view the world. She escaped from the communist Russia and settled in New York, where she proved to be one of the most remarkable literary talents in her time. I would mention just two of her novels “The Fountainhead” and “Atlas Shrugged”, both translated in more than 30 languages. Ayn Rand is a perfect example that no matter how low your starting point is, if you have a diamond in your brain, it will always find its way to shine.

Another woman I highly admire is Margaret Thatcher because of her hard fight against communism in Europe, her precise political judgment that reshaped the Old continent for good, and her extraordinary career in an environment for centuries reserved for men. Her journey from a daughter of a grocery shop owner to Prime Minister of Great Britain is an endless source of inspiration for millions of women around the world.

In this line, I would also put Angelina Jolie, who has made a tremendous transformation from just a beautiful actress with the bad past to a humanitarian who is engaged in many causes, such as women’s rights, the fight against sexual violence, help for refugees. By adopting children from different races, she gave a new revival of Josephine Baker’s idea of the “rainbow tribe” and encouraged many others to follow. In 2013, I was astonished by Jolie’s article in The New York Times about her double mastectomy and possibility of oophorectomy. Her brave story became inspiration to thousands of women suffering from breast cancer and destroyed many taboos.

I do not want to stop here. Life has introduced me to many exceptional women and I would like to present to you three of them. We discuss feminism, discrimination and the route to a better world where we all will have equal rights.

Judith A. Strom, she has College degree in English literature and journalism. Now she is retired. Married. Proud liberal and a Democrat. Race white.    

Do you consider yourself a feminist and why?    

“Yes. I believe that being a feminist means believing in the equality of the sexes and working for equal rights for women. In my lifetime, I have seen inequality, some of which still exists as in the difference in pay. Women have, over history, been considered 2nd class citizens. It still amazes me that it took that long for women to get the vote.”

In your opinion, what are the most important issues women in general are facing nowadays?    

“I think the most important issues facing women are the same that are facing society in general — the environmental consequence of global climate change, the deep partisan divide in our country so nothing gets done in Washington, the dangers of the current administration, the ability to access adequate health care. In particular for women, the access to safe and legal abortion and for contraception coverage in their health insurance plans are two important issues. And of course the pay inequality is important.”

What is the right approach to solving these issues – legislation, education, or economic policy?    

“I believe that all three are important. Unfortunately, I do not see much positive legislation coming out of this current Congress.”

Have you ever been a subject of discrimination based on race, gender or sexual orientation? If yes, could you share your experience?    

“My first job out of college was for a weekly suburban newspaper chain. I was a news editor and responsible for news coverage for one of the communities. When a male employee came back after his stint with the National Guard, he was given my job and I was sent to cover Women’s News… because of course, back then, they would not ask a man to do this.”

Human rights protection in the US has improved significantly in the past few decades. However, there are still cases of discrimination, such as police brutality towards black men, gender gap in the workplace, or restrictions on LGBTQ rights. How should society most efficiently address and react to these cases?    

“If I knew the answer for that, I could be president!! I think if you want change, you need to vote for elected officials who represent the change you want. And I guess each of us need to speak up when we see discrimination. Elections have consequences and the last election definitely proved that. Much of the progress that has been made these last few years will be halted to reversed. However, I do believe that the younger generation is less divided among racial and sexual orientation or gender lines, so change will come. For example, I do not think it is possible to reserve marriage inequality.

It is difficult because many people only associate with those who are like them or only listen to news sources which are aligned with their views. So getting people to change is difficult. And over the years, all sorts of institutions (government/media) have been denigrated so there is no one trusted source or someone of just status that people would listen.”

Why do people have such high expectations towards women and criticize them because they aren’t perfect? At the same time, why do we tend to be more tolerant towards men? For example: Women are often called names if they have many sexual partners, but it is OK for men to have more than one sexual partner.    

“This has been true throughout history. I really urge people to read Bertrand Russell’s “Marriage and Morals”, which gives one a very good idea of how marriage has evolved over time. Historically, it was probably important to make sure women stayed faithful so men could make sure their heir was in fact their heir.   I think as women, we just have to ignore these things and not let them control us. Perhaps we cannot change male attitudes, but we do not have to let them control us!   I must say though that women can be their own worst enemy as we allow society’s attitude to influence us in terms of how we dress and wear makeup and strive for that perfect figure.”

Could you name three women you admire most and explain why?    

“There are many more to admire than three… but here it goes. And I am limiting my names to those who alive today.   I admire Massachusetts senator Elizabeth Warren because she has the courage to speak up and stand up even when her colleagues are less than supportive.   I admire Caroline Kennedy because she did not let her great wealth get in the way of making contributions. And despite many tragedies in her life, she didn’t curl up in depression but persisted.   And of course I admire Michelle Obama, who does not suffer fools gladly. She is the epitome of a strong woman who did not let obstacles get in her way of accomplishing good things. And she stayed true to herself.   I believe all three of these women represent the now famous or infamous line… “Still, she persisted!”

Tina Strawn, she is a fitness instructor, no college degree, Democrat    

Do you consider yourself a feminist and why?    

“Yes, I am a feminist because I believe that women are equal to men and should be treated the same.”

Have you ever been a subject of discrimination based on race, gender or sexual orientation? If yes, could you share your experience?    

“While I do believe that I have been discriminated against, I don’t have any specific examples. My belief regarding experiencing discrimination comes from observing behaviors and actions of others towards me that are inconsistent with how they treat others who are male, white, heterosexual and/or conservative. I consider it to be implied discrimination. For example, recently, I believed that I was treated differently at work (discriminated against) because I was written up for ‘poor performance metrics’ that I know for a fact other people (white, heterosexual females) had not been written up for though they had the same and/or worse performance metrics. While I had no proof that the discrimination against me was due to my being black or gay, I still filed discrimination charges due to the fact that for whatever reason (again, I couldn’t prove it was due to my race or sexual orientation), I was being treated differently from my peers because I was being written up and they weren’t. So yes, I believe that I have experienced discrimination and that is an example.”

“We must advocate on behalf of all minorities. Citizens should come together with elected officials to come up with action plans to address police brutality, wage discrimination, and LGBTQ rights. Citizens should inform themselves with current policies and vote to elect officials who will fight for equal rights for everyone. It is also important for people to let their voices be heard by peacefully protesting when appropriate.”

In your opinion, what are the most important issues women in general are facing nowadays? What is the right approach to solving these issues – legislation, education, or economic policy?  

“Women’s health/reproductive rights are being attacked and the approach to that should be legislation to protect a woman’s right to chose what to do with her body. Women should be paid fairly compared to men and the way to address this is to educate ourselves of the wage gap by discussing pay and salary openly and breaking down company policies that forbid employees from discussing pay. Women should receive greater health/maternity/postpartum benefits by being able to take extended amounts of time from work after having a child with full pay and benefits and without risking losing their jobs.”

“I believe that women are hardest on women. Women who believe in more traditional roles (that men are the head of the household, women should take care of the babies, etc) and feminists (who believe in equal roles for men and women, equal sharing of parental responsibilities and duties, etc) are at odds with each other and are often vocal and judgmental towards each other. Also, women have long struggled with identity and self esteem due to the damaging messages that have been passed down through generations about a woman’s worth and value being so heavily based upon their looks, sexuality and submissive qualities. The high and often harsh expectations of women will stop once women decide to celebrate and respect other women and their choices… whether to work outside the home or stay home to care for the home full time, whether to pursue their dreams in business or prioritize being a mother and a wife. When women identify who they are (their sexuality, their strength and power and ability to do anything they want and not compare themselves to others or look down on others) and when women then accept and own who they are without apology, we will start to unravel the ridiculous and sexist expectations. Women have to first respect and love themselves before we can respect and love other women. And with respect comes acceptance for every woman to choose her path and uplift other women and the paths that they have chosen.”

Could you name three women you admire most and explain why?  

“Three women who I admire are:   Kimberly Glick – she is a loving, nurturing, strong woman who has created the life she wants to live in both her professional life and her personal life. She has an awesome career where she has accomplished many things (Senior National Director for Life Time Fitness, international fitness presenter, Master Trainer, creator of Strike Kickboxing, public speaker, group fitness and yoga teacher, etc) and she also prioritizes her family. She is a beautiful combination of strength and grace.   Dorian Wallace – because she is my wife and she has shown me completely what love is by loving me just the way I am and allowing me to love her. She is remarkable in her beauty and strength and courage and her kindness and generosity towards me, my kids, our friends and family and everyone she meets. I love living life and learning and growing with her.   Oprah, for obvious reasons ;)”

A.B. is a single mother, college degree – Bachelors of Psychology, political affiliation – liberal, and financial status – middle class, prefers to stay anonymous    

In your opinion, what are the most important issues women in general are facing nowadays? What is the right approach to solving these issues – legislation, education, or economic policy?    

“In my opinion, the most important issue women face nowadays are many of the same that have taken place in time past with women’s contribution to society in terms of equality in the workplace, economic advantages and domestic issues. As far as the approach to to solving these issues, it must be first acknowledged by society that there are indifferences and honestly taken into consideration. On a community level, you must have the support or backing of others to help support the cause in question. Education of women’s rights must happen across all levels in order to properly assist is solving these issues on a community level as well as legislative.”

Have you ever been a subject of discrimination based on race, gender or sexual orientation? If yes, could you share your experience?    

“I have personally witnessed injustice or discrimination at the hands of law enforcement. My experience was that of gender and age. I had tried to report a rape that happened to me by an ex boyfriend and wasn’t believed by the local authorities. I was told that the ex boyfriend told them I was begging him for money. The police decided not to file the report because I had no appearance of bruises or cuts on my body and the rape test kit which the hospital had put together showed no evidence. But I was told that if I still wanted to file a report, I should return when the bruises had appeared for proof. I felt discriminated against because the officers cared not about my testimony and considered my ex’s testimony due to the fact that he was a man, somewhat older, who had a business of his own, and I was a young woman who worked for a living to earn money.”

“Society should efficiently address each issue in question and understand that people are just that, people. The choice to live life as one sees fit is a personal choice and there are some things that cannot be changed when involving genetics. All individuals have a right to equal liberties which was given to us as a natural birthright and should not be infringed upon.”

“The media has helped to perpetuate what a woman should look like, how they are to act in public, what roles they are to possess in the household, and how they are supposed to remain with men regardless if the man decides to have other women or never spend time at home with the family. From the early times of preindustrialization, men were described as being the hunter and women gatherers. Men would go in search of food, fight wars, and work while women were expected to stay home and raise the children and take care of domestic duties. Women were considered the weaker species and needed a man around to ensure safety, security, and dominance. Society tends to perpetuate more tolerance for the behaviors of men based on the fact that if they are the providers and make sure that his household is secure, that he is free to do as he sees fit. Even if it involves having many women and bearing children with them, it would be considered as though the women who is home raising his children wasn’t enough to make him happy. More women in the early times stayed with the man out of loyalty to the marriage or relationship, but nowadays if they leave due to infidelity, the women would be considered selfish and unable to keep her family together. Nowadays, the media releases shows, such as daytime television and reality television where everyone is having affairs, jealousy, and greed for what someone else has.”

Could you name three women you admire most and explain why?    

“Three women I admire most would be: One, mothers. She is the one who sacrificed a lot in order to make sure her children never missed any meals, had clothes to wear and held her family together in the midst of test and trials. She is one of the smartest, insightful, loving women I know who has allowed her Faith in God to be the driving force of her love.   Another woman I admire would be that of Oprah Winfrey. Her drive, her determination, and desire to operate on a dimension using her platform to help people become more awakened to life and how to be humble in the process. Her dedication to her craft and diligence inspires me to become more of who I was created to be to help others.   The third woman would have to be Princess Diana. She knew no strangers but was always the epitome of what it means to be a real servant. She served and that is the highest position that anyone can hold on this earth. None of what she had done was to be seen but to serve as a demonstration to others on how we are to be the hands and feet of God for others. Her life work was to live and love from a pure heart desiring nothing in return. What greater demonstrations of love for others could we ask for. ”

As a conclusion, women continue to be the more vulnerable part of our society. Although their situation today is much better than 100 or even 50 years ago, equality is still a goal, not reality.

Maria S. Topalova Blog